怀疑一切与信任一切是同样的错误，能得乎其中方为正道。

乔叟

如今这个社会，信任是很稀缺的品质，却其实是很普遍的存在。生活中经常碰到一些事，发生的时候不觉得是多大的信任，回想才意识到其可贵，让人觉得惊险又感动。比如，有天我在一个车辆左右络绎不绝的丁字路口，等待左转汇入车流。有位右行的司机注意到我，特意停下车来让我从他面前左转汇入车流。我驶入他和前车的间隙，但是因为他前面是辆卡车，我的右视角被挡住，无法看到右边车道过来的车，他们也看不到我。如果贸然上道会很危险。于是我示意给我让行的司机，他心领神会，帮我留意其对面车辆。没车的时候朝我挥手示意上道, 我赶紧油门一踩。其实因为完全看不到车道的情况心里很没底，万一他看溜了眼，后果不堪设想。但他特地给我让路的善良让我相信他。生活中这种随处可见的对陌生人的信任很多，我们没有意识到生活中那些习以为常的日常完全是建立在无数次信任上运行着。比如相信明天能醒来，相信公交车司机开车时不会打盹，信任今天会是美好的一天。直到秩序井然的惯例被打破。

刚来美国读书的时候，我对陌生人的信任感可能有120%。学校坐落在美国中东部的一个小镇上，每家每户的房子都是田园隐居式，民风淳朴。因为当时自己还没有车，有时候周末会坐那种一小时一班的公车去沃尔玛采购。有一次我和朋友一起坐车去买菜，忘了看时间，结果两人错过了最后一班回去的公交。沃尔玛离我们住的地方大概有五六英里，而且很大一部分是高速路段，拎着大包东西走回去不现实，但也不想麻烦学长来接我们。我和朋友两个女生决定hitchhike回住所，也就是搭便车。第一次接触这个词是在大学的精读课，有一篇专门介绍美国的搭便车文化。学的时候觉得搭便车是非常经济实惠的出行方式，而且还可以结实新朋友，正好可以试一下。哪知现在美国人也不敢搭便车了。后来我跟美国的朋友讲起，他们也都说你胆子好大，竟然还敢hitchhike。当时我和朋友去路旁打出搭便车的手势，真的有车停下来。司机是男的，我们告诉他想去学校那个方向，给了家附近的地址，麻烦他载我们一程。司机让我和朋友上了车，一路上我们和车主聊了很多，包括我们学的专业对美国的印象以及他们的职业和对中国的印象之类。四五英里高速开起来很快，不一会儿就到了我们家附近。我和朋友感谢了他，愉快地结束了第一次hitchhike。

每次和别人讲起这件事，大家一方面赞叹我们的勇气，更多的是表达对我们的担心并劝我们以后别再冒这种险。万一司机不怀好意，把我们拉去深山老林，就可能又多了一起中国女研究生神秘失踪案了。也不是没道理，美国地广人稀确实很多类似的地方。当时我们决定这么做是本着对小镇人淳朴的信任，后来这种对别人天然的信任随着时间推移慢慢退化了。

但其实后来我自己又hitchhike过一次，发生在我搬到加州之后。那天有朋友约着在洛杉矶聚餐，因为我住在离洛杉矶市区较远的地方，便想着搭轻轨去市区。但轻轨站台离我住的地方也不近，家附近公交班次也很少，没共享单车，走路更不愿意，于是我又想到了hitchhike。我想了一下到轻轨车站的这条路是一条笔直的大道，万一有危险我可以大喊救命或者跳车，而且坐在副驾驶的我理论上应该是更能给司机带来危险。还是骨子里那股无畏和信任。那时候如果就有Lyft或者Uber（类似国内滴滴）可太好了。那次的搭便车没有之前学校那次顺利，过了好久才有一辆车愿意停下来。现在回想起来，可能城市里hitchhike的人是某些特殊职业，因此车都不怎么停下来。这从我后来的遭遇上也得到了些许印证。停车载我的这位年轻男生，在车上很好奇我为什么会hitchhike，我说因为我没车，赶轻轨来不及了。他开始问我做什么工作，我没想告诉他所以含糊其词。他接着问我要不要做escort。Escort一般的意思是护送，那一瞬间单纯的我还以为他是问我要不要做类似国内大型活动的礼仪小姐之类的。但是总觉得哪里不对劲，我回答说，没经验也没做过，谢绝了他的“好意”。后来和朋友聊起来，才知道原来escort是指提供色情服务的，比起平时会听到其他几个词，escort算是有组织和关系网的性工作者。我哭笑不得，这次单纯的信任听上去似乎有点危险和不靠谱，之后就再也没有试过搭便车了。

那应该如何信任呢？最近很火的一个动漫国王排名最新一集里，主人公Boji的师傅Despa和他说过，要有相信别人的勇气 – the courage to trust others。纵使再艰难，也不要失去这份勇气。而桥水创始人Ray Dalio在他原则这本书里不断强调，要在这世上生存下去，首先要认清并尊重现实，不能活在主观臆断里。盲目地信任或是完全不信任都是不可取的。如何在信任别人和认清客观现实之间找到平衡，是每个人包括自己需要学习的一件事。举个例子，我现在经常在offer up上买卖交易，因为大多数用户都是当地的，所以一般都是约个公共场所一手交钱一手交货。总的来说，要相信别人是真诚老实的交易者，但是如果有个没有任何过往评价同时聊起来不太靠谱的人想要买你的PS5，并且还只能写支票没法付现金的话，你可能要多想一下这人会不会是骗子。但始终愿意相信这个世界有爱且善良的人多一些。

---

Nowadays, trust is in short supply, but it actually is subconsciously common. I often encounters something which does not seem to involve trust, but is all about trust in retrospect. One day I was on a minor road at a T intersection with nonstop traffic both ways on the larger road, waiting to make a left turn. A right-traveling driver noticed me and stopped to let me cut in front of him. It was a huge truck in front of him. My right angle view was blocked, and I couldn’t see cars coming from the opposite lane. They couldn’t see me either. It would be very dangerous if I rushed onto the lane. So I looked at to the driver who let me cut in. He understood me and kept an eye on the opposite traffic. When there was no car coming, he waved to me, and I quickly accelerated on to the lane. Due to my blocked view, I felt insecure when he signaled me because if he had a slip of the eye, the consequences would be severe and even disastrous. But his kindness from the beginning made me believe in him. The trust in strangers are very common in our lives. We don’t realize that our daily routines in life contain countless such trust. For example, we believe the restaurant on the way to work offers healthy food; we believe the bus driver will not doze off while driving etc, until the routine is disrupted.

When I first came to the U.S. to study, I sincerely trusted others. The school was located in a small town in middle west U.S.. All these countryside-style secluded houses looked vastly different with those from where I came from. Small town people also left me an impression of being simple and honest. I didn’t have a car back then, and sometimes I took a bus to Walmart for grocery shopping. There was this time I went with my friend, and missed the last bus back as we forgot to check the schedule. Wal-Mart was five or six miles away from where we lived, and a large part of the road was highway. It was unrealistic to walk back carrying grocery bags. Neither did we want to bother the seniors. We decided to hitchhike. The first time I came across this word was back in college in China. There was an article about American hitchhike culture for intensive reading course. I was all curious and rosy about the idea back then, because it felt an economical way to travel and you could make new friends. I wanted so much to give it a try at that time. So my friend and I went to road side and stuck our thumbs out. A car with a guy driver rather quickly stopped. It was way smoother than we thought. We told him which way we wanted to go, and gave the address near our home. He said fine and we hopped in. We talked a lot along the way, mainly about our major, impression of the U.S. and his occupation as well as his impression of China. It was a short drive and we were near our house in a short while. We thanked him and happily ended our the first hitchhike experience.

The truth is that even Americans don’t hitchhike now. I told my American friends my hitchhike story afterwards, they said that I was courageous but they were concerned and advised us not to take such risks in the future. Indeed, the story could have ended a completely different way if we were unlucky. We might have encountered someone who had bad intentions and dragged us to the deep mountains and forests. There might be another case of mysteriously disappeared Chinese female graduate students. We decided to do it back then simply because of our curiosity and trust in small town people. That gut trust in others did fade slowly with time.

I had another hitchhike experience after I moved to California. We were having a friend get-together in Los Angeles. Living far away from downtown Los Angeles, I had to take the light rail. I usually took a bus to the light rail station, but there was only one each hour. I couldn’t wait. Neither were there Uber or bikeshare back then. So I thought of hitchhike again. The road to the light rail station is a main avenue. In case of danger, I could shout for help or jump off the car. Also sitting in shotgun position should be relatively safe considering I could hit the driver should I sense any danger. That was how I persuaded myself. But the decision after all shall still be attributed to the fearlessness and willingness to trust in my bones. The hitchhiking experience was not as smooth as the previous one at school, and it took a long time for a car to stop. Looking back now, it might be people who hitchhike along main roads are usually sex workers, so most cars didn’t stop. This had somewhat been confirmed by my later experience. The young driver who stopped and gave me a ride was curious about why I hitchhiked. I told him that I didn’t have a car, and I was kind of in a hurry to get to the light rail platform. He started to ask what my job was. I didn’t want to tell him so I was being vague. He then asked if I wanted to be an escort. Here it came. The funny thing was that at that time I did not know what escort meant. I thought he was simply asking me if I wanted to be a hostess for shows and events. But I somehow felt something was wrong, and replied that I had no experience to decline his “kindness”. Later, I talked with my friends and realized that escort is just another way of saying prostitutes. That experience was sort of dangerous, and I never tried hitchhike afterwards.

How much should we trust others? In a recent episode of the popular anime Ranking of Kings, Boji’s master Despa said to him that no matter how hard it is, don’t lose the courage to trust others. At the same time, the founder of Bridgewater Ray Dalio constantly emphasizes in his book Principles that to survive and succeed in this world, one must recognize and respect reality instead of being unrealistic and sumptuous. Either trusting blindly or distrusting completely is wrong. How to strike a balance between the two is something that everyone needs to learn. For example, I often buy and sell on app Offer Up now. When you make a deal, you usually meet up at a public place to pay and deliver the goods. In general, you should believe that most dealers are sincere and honest. But if someone who doesn’t have any review and sends weird chats wants to buy your PS5, and can only write a check instead of paying cash, You may have to think about whether this person is a scam. However, I am always willing to believe that there are more loving and kind people in this world and am ready to trust.