张爱玲说过，“出名要趁早”。这句话更是被拥有开挂人生的谷爱凌演绎得淋漓尽致。在我看来，很多事都要趁早。在国外生活的这些年，我发现美国孩子特别有主见，非常确定自己想要什么。这种自信和确信感经常让我羡慕。因为直到现在，我还不确定自己到底想做什么。虽然一路走来都还算顺利，但内心深处始终不清晰。

1. 尽早思考自己想做什么

这种差距之所以存在，我想是因为国外的孩子从小就被鼓励去思考自己想要什么，以及如何去做。美国孩子的成长过程中，家长大多以兴趣为导向来引导和培养。这些兴趣爱好五花八门，大到美国总统，太空宇航员，小到消防员，水管工，糕点师。社会对这些理想爱好也给与支持，从一日总统，到小小消防员的体验项目都是孩子们的最爱，保持了他们的热情。正因为从小很早就开始思考类似我将来要做什么，成为怎样的人这件事，美国的同学都很善于思辨，观点明确且论据充分。这种思辨能力（critical thinking）更让我羡慕。虽然自己在一定程度的练习之后，思辨能力也会提高，但总觉得没有他们从小开始训练的来得系统化。我们的孩子小时候不需要有太多想法和观点，而是要听话。我这一代小时候习惯了以学业为主，基本上不需要自己做什么决定。上哪所学校，学什么内容都由家长定好了。我们要做的就是一门心思学习，把成绩搞上去。这是最重要的也几乎是唯一的目标，兴趣的培养在我小时候还没流行。虽然自己确实也学了一段时间的钢琴，但也只是小学里的课余时间去学了一年，到初中便弃了，因为没时间。有些人愿意花很多时间在乐器比赛体育竞技类的培养上，也是因为得奖和考级对大学录取有加分。说到底，还是基于升学的考虑。正因为这样，一路走过来也没有真正地想过自己喜欢做什么，想做什么，而是一切以进入名牌大学找个薪资高的工作为导向展开自己的人生。这并没有很不好，但对于个性强烈的人来说，到了一定阶段很容易陷入迷茫。在社会看来，你也早已经过了停下来想这些问题的时候。

2. 更早学习爱与被爱

在恋爱这件事上，我们的步伐似乎也有点晚。我小时候没有接受过什么男女生理和性教育，我记得生物课上男女生性征的这一章节直接跳过了。美国的孩子从小会学习这些，家长也不会特意去强调不准恋爱。到了想恋爱的年纪，家长更多的是建议要怎么正确对待喜欢的人，以及把握恋爱的进度和如何保护自己的安全。中国的家长在性方面对孩子几乎闭口不谈，也不允许孩子早早谈恋爱。尽管并不早了。我有同学直到大学还没恋爱自由，但家长却希望孩子毕业了就能赶紧有个对象结婚。这种无理的事情至今还是社会的主旋律。恋爱在他们眼中，开始的时候总嫌太早，但到一定时候，却要立刻掌握并开花结果。和任何事一样，恋爱也需要练习。如何爱和被爱甚至值得开设一门课，很多人虽然看上去很成熟，但爱商很低，所以才会出现恋爱脑和pua这种恋爱挂科的情况。有的人甚至还没开始恋爱就被安排着相亲着急结婚，这样的逻辑必定成就不了幸福的婚姻。虽然自古以来的包办婚姻似乎也让社会发展繁衍到了今天，但爱情和婚姻在当下的社会环境尤其需要学习。

3. 更早学习理财

理财这件事也是一样，从小养成理财意识和好习惯很关键，复利之所以不容小觑就是因为长时间的积累，因此越早开始越有优势。做家务打零工换取零花钱，然后自己有个账户可以支配，这是很多美国孩子的理财成长之路。体会了自己赚钱的不易，自然也明白要合理安排支出。孩子可以支配自己赚的钱，为自己做决定，这无形中也增强了孩子的自我主人翁意识。国内的孩子其实从小有一笔固定的收入- 春节红包。但包括我自己在内，从小到大的红包都入了家长的荷包，虽然家长拿去的时候说会帮着存起来，我却再没见过那笔钱了。家长很少有真正让孩子自己存起来打理的念头。归根到底，家长觉得孩子还不具备打理钱财的能力。但孩子其实很有想法也完全有能力支配好，只是需要家长的支持和引导。

以上这些差异，归根到底是因为文化的不同。国外家长和孩子的相处更像是朋友关系，而不是权威的代表。大人愿意放手让孩子尝试去做选择和决定，因此国外的孩子自我意识很强，更早的进行思考和实践，所以才更早知道自己想做什么，以及如何做。愿我们也能控制自己的害怕和担忧，早些放手虎子出虎穴，见证孩子的个人成长。

一生很短，想做的很多，一切要趁早。

---

The writer Eileen Chang once said “Get famous early”. This is fully interpreted by the life of the Winter Olympics gold medalist Gu Ailing. Actually many things should start early on. Over these years studying and living abroad, I’ve discovered that Americans are more assertive and certain of what they want. Their confidence and certainty in themselves often make me envious. In contrast, I am still unsure of what exactly I want to pursue in my life. Although everything went smoothly so far, the aspiration in my heart still remains unclear.

1. Think about what you want to do early

This difference, I think, exists because Americans are encouraged from a young age to think about what they want to do and how to do it. They are mostly guided and cultivated by interests. Their big or small future dreams, ranging from becoming the president of the United States, astronauts, to firefighters, plumbers, or pastry chefs, are all respected and recognized. The society supports their dreams with programs such as “one-day president” and “our little firefighters”, which keeps them enthusiastic until they become one. Of course their dream might change as they grow up, but at least they start thinking about it early enough to figure it out sooner. They are also trained to think critically from early on. Although critical thinking can formulate with somewhat practice, it won’t be as systematic as cumulative training beginning from childhood. To the contrary, Chinese kids, at least my generation, were not encouraged to have opinions when we were young, but to be obedient. We were accustomed to focusing on academics, and rarely needed to make decisions on our own. Which school to go to and what to become were mostly up to the parents. All we had to do is to concentrate on studying and get good grades. This was the most important and almost the only goal. The cultivation of interests was not popular in my childhood either. Although I did learn piano, it only lasted for a year during my spare time in elementary school. I stopped in junior high school due to lack of time. Some kids were spending a lot of time in musical instruments or sports competitions, because certificates in these areas could add extra points for college admissions. To the core it still orbits admitting into a better college. We didn’t really think about what I want or like to do. We were constantly given the goal of entering a top university and finding a job with good pay. This is not bad at all. But for people with strong personalities, they might feel lost reaching certain phase of life. If they take a break to ponder on these questions then, much pressure arises from the people and society around them since it seems long passing the time to pause and think about these questions.

2. learn to love and be loved early

When it comes to love and relationship, the Chinese pace is also a bit late and slow. I didn’t receive any gender physiology and sex education when I was a kid, and I remembered skipping this chapter in biology class. Of course we were not allowed to be in a relationship in school. Some schools even had strict rules on how boys and girls should hang out. American children learn these from school like other sciences. Parents mostly do not forbid them to be in a relationship. They are more likely to suggest on how to properly treat the person you like, and how to rationally pace the relationship and protect your safety. Chinese parents are too embarrassed to say anything to their children when it comes to sex, nor do they allow their children to get into a relationship too early. But what is too early? I have classmates for whom relationship is still not allowed even in college. The funny thing is that parents do want their kids to get married as soon as possible after graduation. This sounds ridiculous but remains common in the society. They don’t realize love takes practice like anything else. People who are established and mature in other aspects of life may be lacking in love and relationship, which is how love brains and PUA become an issue. How to love and be loved is worthy of a class. In Chinese parents’ mind, love is always too early to start but too late to blossom. Some are arranged to blind dates by parents and prompted to get married in a hurry before they even start dating anyone they like. Such will definitely not make a happy marriage. Although China seems to have developed so far with arranged marriages existing for a long period of time in history, love and marriage need to be carefully learned and taught especially in current social environment.

3. learn financial planning early

It is equally important to develop financial awareness and good habits from an early age. The advantage of compound interest lies in long-term accumulation, so the earlier you start, the better. American kids often do housework in exchange for pocket money. Parents will set up a bank account for them. This is how American children learn financial planning. The experience of exchanging labor for pocket money makes them realize how hard it is to earn money and encourages them to spend reasonably. They get to make decisions for themselves, which enhances their sense of self-ownership. Chinese children actually have a fixed income from childhood – the Spring Festival red envelope received from parents and relatives. But including myself, all the red envelop money eventually get confiscated by parents. Although parents claim they are just saving the money for kids till they grow old enough, I have never seen my lucky money again. Few Chinese parents let their children take care of their own money, because they do not trust that children are able to manage money. However, children are actually very smart and capable of financial planning. They just need proper support and guidance from the parents.

Differences mentioned above between U.S. and Chinses parents and children are mostly due to cultural differences. The relationship between parents and children in the U.S. is more like friends rather than the authority. Parents are willing to let their children make decisions. Therefore, children have a strong sense of self-ownership. They think and act early, and consequently know what they want to do and how to do it earlier. May we chinses parents learn to control our fears and worries, and let go of tiger cubs out from the tiger’s den as early as possible.

Life is short, and there are an ocean of what we want and can do, so do it early.